Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

Friday
Jul 30th
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21. Manmohan bitch-slapped
(National/National)
...  Recovering from the stinging slap Manmohan blushed and said, “ No, not Oxford, but Hilary when she met me for a one-on-one on her last trip. She has good nether lips, you know?” Sighs, “ At our age that ...
22. Local man 140% better than you
(People/Life/People/Life)
... easily add another 10% to the value of his life. Maybe add another 5% since he took up engineering as his major, while you were one of those Commerce losers. How about grades? You were a good student ...
23. Tweet the Truth on Twitter
(Science/Science)
... made through political, legal and other mechanisms failed to bring the two of them on talking terms. It was here that Twitter's revolutionary new feature was put to good use aiding the two in gaining ...
24. Help Save This Tiger Too
(Sports/Sports)
... Be good to your neighbours and keep them wet and slurpy, err happy!  ...
... a good part of the night drinking in a pub. “Pune is a resilient city. Lets fight and show those bastards that they can’t affect us” said another person, who in his fantasy, did not notice that 85% of ...
26. Nehru and Valentine’s Day at Andipatti
(People/Life/People/Life)
... her a ‘rubber’ and 250gms of any sweet of her choice. And a free red rose.” “That’s good. But, how about payment and what’s with the  ‘rubber’?” “I charge Rs.300 flat payable 100% in advance and ...
... companies are propagating that an element called 'love' is in the air currently, they have not divulged whether this element is good for plant, animal and human health or not. The petition states that ...
... that his mantra was to follow the news and immediately place orders based on whether the shit was good or bad. "I hope this shit goes on and on till next elections. I don't want to have to make a decision ...
... bored so I thought I’d shake a tectonic plate a little to see what happened. I just touched it and there was a ‘7.0 earthquake’ as you people call it in some place. I laughed over that for a good one ...
... “We created a plot using the basic skeleton of the Munnabhai MBBS movie. Just like the former, 3 Idiots is a story of an overly emotional, too good to be true, quick witted dialogue speaking individual ...
... change so quickly nowadays. Ah well..” The bird did not let the confusion dampen its spirit and proceeded to lay fresh droppings onto the statue. “That felt kinda good”, thought the pigeon. “In ...
... melodramatic twists and turns. In short, cases which are soap operatic in nature with clearly delineated lines between good and evil. It is very essential that all our viewers should be able to easily ...
... for several decades never demanding anything in return from the government. It is time we make good use of our hunger and like the regular hunger-strikers, we too make demands from the government."  ...
... Why are poor sportsmen expected to shoulder the burden of the failure of other, more important professions to throw up good, clean, honest role-models?" "Please, just leave me alone! Go find more worthy ...
... shed a single tear when he saw both his parents on TV screen after over a month. He refrained from crying while meeting his dad on his birthday or while bidding goodbye to him. Such calmness and composure ...
... and so like a good boy, he decided to concentrate on his school grades, passed out with good marks, joined a neighborhood college and graduated out of it without honors, enrolled for a computer course, ...
37. Bombastic
(World/World)
... provide us the good drugs to help our creative and editorial team relieve themselves from the stress of our daily hectic work. With the advent of Bombic Recessions affecting major players like Palestine, ...
38. Liverpool FC is no more
(Sports/Sports)
... Since the unexpected end came in the oil land of Arabia, the funeral has been held as per Islamic norms and it is rumored that good old Liverpool was given a farewell under the Arabic name of Al-Liverpool ...
39. Nobel from Hell!
(World/World)
... about covert supplies sourced from the CIA and redistributed to the highest bidder. Meir: Oh! Go light a dynamite you freak! Stalin I would prefer to look into Pot’s list but then since good old No-bal ...
... potent piss. Especially when emanated along with words like 'Yes we can change' or Change we can believe in', it makes the listener believe that the world is changing for the better." said Josan Goodwick, ...