News from the beyond: (Translated from Eubberish by Babelfish Intergalactic Translation Services): Europa, Jupiter's fourth largest moon and sixth largest moon of the solar system will bomb Earth to confirm existence of oceans on our planet. Earth's North Atlantic Ocean will be bombed next week which might trigger a dreadful Tsunami and kill millions in USA, Canada and Northern Europe.
The inhabitants of Europa were convinced that Earth has oceans after their spacecraft, observed on earth as a UFO by a fisherman in a fishing trawler near the shore of Quebec region in Canada, took some cool pictures of the Atlantic Ocean. "We have observed big patches of greenish-blue on the surface of Earth with a strange, uneven rising and falling pattern that looks like waves of an ocean. In order to confirm that what we captured on our cameras is indeed an ocean, we will have to create a big, huge wave, a gigantic splash that will displace water up to 20 kilometers deep into the green-blue surface." said Aedimos Eskeoodres, head of Europa Space Agency (ESA), Europa's premier space agency founded by Europeans, a race of Jupitereans that migrated to Europa, many moons ago, after discovering water on the planet's fourth largest moon.
"We will bomb the greenish-blue patch of the planet with a thermonuclear device that will trigger a huge explosion deep inside the suspected ocean. We will blow the crap out of that area and create a gigantic wave that will displace thousands of gallons of ocean water creating a spectacular splash with water risings up to 10 kilometers above the ocean levels after the impact."
Mr Eskeoodres accepted the possibility of the giant wave creating a tsunami and affecting lives of millions of earth-creatures on the shores of the suspected ocean. "Yes, we have also observed millions of tiny, pinkish-white colored lifeforms with two limbs and two legs living in inhabitable colonies on solid surface areas of the planet. But we believe these are very primitive lifeforms. We have received reports from other spacecrafts monitoring earth that confirm our belief that the lifeforms of this planet are not even sufficiently advanced enough to believe that they are being monitored by alien spacecrafts. According to reports we have received, the authorities of the planet, leaders of earth people, dismiss all sights of foreign spacecrafts as hallucinations or hoaxes."
"All evidence that we have received so far suggests that lifeforms inhabiting planet Earth are savage-like, disunited and distrustful of each other. They are divided into nations and regularly go to wars with each other killing millions of their own people. Worse, they award peace prizes to the leaders of the group who have been responsible for maximum wars. These crazy creatures value paper and yellow-colored shiny metals more than lives of their own people and loot, plunder, kill, torture and destroy the environment that sustains them for collecting and hoarding paper and shiny metals in their vaults."
The Head of ESA decried liberals and alien-right activists for holding up progress of science with their regular protestations against any project that they believe will endanger the lives of poor aliens in remote corners of our universe.
"Science must advance. We can't let worry over deaths of few million primitive lifeforms on a remote planet hold up the the forward movement of science." said Eskeoodres.
"Its not that we are eradicating all life on earth. Unlike our highly advanced civilization on Europa, its a jungle out there on Earth. Do these alien-rights activists care about the lives of earth creatures when one group of earth creatures declare war on a weaker group? We have also heard that pinkish-white lifeforms, the most advanced creatures of this planet run factories where less-advanced earth creatures who have four-legs but no limbs are slaughtered in billions and eaten by them. We never hear these alien-rights activists talk about the rights of these four-legged earth creatures!"
The explosion of the thermonuclear bomb will be broadcast live by ESA on its website and will be watched by an estimated 50 billion people living on Jupiter and all its moons.
Many scientists are skeptical of the project and believe that there is no need to bomb earth to confirm existence of oceans. "We already know primitive life exists on Earth. So how will confirmation of oceans advance our knowledge about this planet? I suspect ESA is bombing the poor planet just to capture spectacular photos of giant waves rising from the sea. Such photos capture the imagination of people and help increase funding for ESA." said a disgruntled scientist working for a lesser-known space agency.
