Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

Over 60 politicians, all of them sitting Members of Parliament from Lok Sabha & Rajya Sabha either committed suicide or died of shock after learning that over 2,00,000 farmers all over the country have committed suicide during the last decade. Attending a presentation on India's agricultural crisis, arranged by Save Our Peasants, an NGO working to help debt-ridden farmers deal with their problems, many members of parliament came out of Parliament looking dazed and disoriented.

Many of them died of heart attack while watching a power-point presentation on how decades of neglect of the agricultural sector has created conditions where farmers are left with no option but to end their lives.

parliament-suicides The news of the suicide spree of politicians has prompted Sharad Joshi, president of Bharat Kisan Manch to appeal to politicians to be brave and exercise restrain.

"Please do not commit suicide. I appeal to all politicians to be patient and brave. We want to see all of you smiling, laughing and ignoring our problems as before. All the unfortunate, debt-ridden farmers who ended their lives too loved you and considered you their mai-baaps. If you react emotionally to our problems and take your lives it will hurt the souls of all the departed farmers.

A large number of those who died of shock were obese MP's, beneficiaries of bountiful food surpluses created by the farmers of the country. "Our farmers have dedicated their lives to provide us with food and nourishment. I'm dedicating my life to all those unfortunate farmers who died because of our gross neglect of their problems" wrote Chamanlal Dhuria, four-time MP from Ghaziabad constituency in his suicide note.

The presentation made by the NGO at a joint session of parliament specially conveyed to discuss the problems of the agricultural sector had to be aborted midway as members of Parliament started reacting to the statistics of farmers suicides with unconcealed hysteria. According to witnesses, several MP's started sobbing uncontrollably, beating their breasts or holding down their heads with their hands. Many MP's suffered from cardiac arrest watching disturbing pictures of famished farmers in desolate, poverty-stuck rural hinterlands.

Members across party lines reacted with shock and horror to the statistics presented to them. Forgetting their differences, all members were seen crying their hearts out in an unabashed display of raw emotion. A large number of MP's stormed out to the corridor of the Parliament and leaped to their death. Alert security guards prevented many more hysterical members from jumping down thereby restricting the death toll.

Rajiv Dholakia, two-time MP from Gorakhpur who had gorged on a three-course meal before attending the presentation vomited out all his food twice while watching the presentation and started shaking inconsolably "How can I eat another morsel of food knowing that the producers of my food are facing such dire conditions? I don't want to live anymore". He passed out and was taken to AIIMS where he was declared dead on arrival. Another MP, Chandraprakash Chaturvedi rushed out of the Parliament, went to his home and consumed rat-poison.