"The character of young Jamal Malik covered in human excreta represents the true spirit of star-crazy India. He is the embodiment of hero-worshiping, extreme idolizing and unbounded reverence that majority of Indians have towards super-stars and celebrities." said Barkha Dutt while announcing this years 'Indian of the year' award.
"Without the continued support of millions of viewers who vote enthusiastically using premium messaging services for the hand-picked celebrities that we choose for them to venerate every year, it wouldn't have been possible for us to hold such pointless jamborees year after year. So for a change, this year we have decided to honor the spirit of the suckers who unquestioningly accept that only a handful of high-profile carefully-choosen celebrities that we pick out from thousands of deserving Indians deserve India's highest honors and accolades!"
"Who better represents this spirit than seven-year old Jamal who unmindfully jumps in a pool of turd in a desperate attempt to meet his matinee idol?" asked Ms Dutt.
Later in a discussion show hosted by Barkha Dutt, a panel of professional talking-heads discussed the merits of awarding the 'Indian of the year' award to the shit-covered child artist playing Jamal.
"I truly believe that the scene of Jamal jumping in human waste and coming out covered in shit was a cinematic masterpiece which wonderfully exemplified the strong desire of youngistan to reach out for the stars despite their humble backgrounds. His meeting with the superstar covered completely in shit was symbolic of the dichotomy that exists in Indian society of extreme poverty coexisting with extreme wealth and his shaking hands with the megastar represents the converging point where the two different Indias finally meet each other in a glorious celebration of human spirit" opined Talking-head #1
Barkha Dutt then veered the conversation towards growing interest in the west, due to the impact of Slumdog Millionaire, towards the health benefits of shitting in squatting position and also our eco-friendly way of wiping our asses, "Is the increasing interest in Indian-style toilets a sign that Indian way of shitting is now being accepted internationally? asked Ms Dutt to the panelists.
Talking-head # 2 said that the success of the movie internationally has put Indian-style squat toilets on the world stage. Along with yoga, curry and spirituality, Indian squat-toilets will surely become one of India's leading exports to the west."
