Papa?

Yes, dear.

Can I smoke?

Girls of your age start later, after their cherry is taken. And I notice that you have been uncomfortable whenever Vishal drops in.

Oh, Papa, please, that idiot is sniffing Sneha’s backside who has the hots for Kunal who himself…

Stop, I thought we were discussing your taking up smoking.

I would love to, Papa..I just go nuts when someone who has smoked Wills sits by my side.

Shall I drop a hint to Vishal to change his brand?

Oh!! Forget it, Papa. He’s a wimp, forever talking about his 6-packs tummy to cover his inadequacy where it really matters.

Ahh and how do you know that?

Sheila told me and for all his time at the gym he cant last more than 58 seconds in bed. So what about this ad in the newspapers today about reading it in one breath? Can you do it?

I take a deep breath and read it twice over.

Papa you are amazing and to think you polish off  6 packs of cigarettes during the time you are awake and  have a flat tummy too which is the envy of all of mummy’s bridge club.

Its better than running a marathon dear. You exercise your heart muscles while sitting in one place. Gotta work smart these days, dear.

Bit how did you practice holding your breath for so long?

I dated Mary Jane regularly until a few years back.

And who the hell is Mary Jane, Papa. This is interesting.

Don’t tell your Momma now.

Tell me more about Mary Jane, Papa. She sounds interesting.

Not she but it.

Huh?

Mary Jane is an eco-friendly thingie found in hills, keeping the carbon levels down and all that and it’s a girl to boys and a boy to girls

I am losing you Papa.

Mary Jane is a hermaphrodite, dear.

Oh, that sounds interesting, Papa but how did he help you to hold your breath?

Its so simple darling. When one begins to date Mary Jane, she becomes a will’o’wisp, smoke to you and if you want to make you happy you have to hold her down for as long as possible in you lungs.

More than 58 seconds?

Yep, girl.

No wonder Mom cribs about hurt-hips whenever I stay back at Sneha’s home for joint studies!

But what has Mary Jane got to do with smoking, Papa?

You see, Mary Jane in her pure form can be handled by veterans like me, but for beginners you have to mix her with some cut-flakes of tobacco.

You mean mix like gin and tonic.

Yes, honey, how many have you downed till now?

Just the one, Papa, just the one.

Mary Jane will help you forget that Beefeater bottle in a hurry.

Papa, can you  be honest with me?

Haven’t I been so far, dear?

Are you still dating Mary Jane?

Yes, honey.

How can you be happy with him especially when Momma is not an old hag herself?

Baby, first things first. Mary Jane is a she to me and helps me listen to music better, switch off your momma’s nags and helps me appreciate a movie better and read a book better and of course I can steer through the stars better.

Is that why you have that far-away look in your eyes some times.

Maybe, honey.

Momma calls it the idiot’s vacant look, he he.

Does she now?

Yessshh, but you haven’t told me, your daughter of 19, if I could smoke or not.

If you really want to, start off with some mentholated ones and hold the smoke down for a few seconds or so at first.

But why do the doctors say it is dangerous.

That’s because they have little knowledge about medicine…

…and a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, isn’t it Papa?

Yes honey but the idiots are loathe to admit it.

And where do I smoke at home, Papa.

In my den of course, honey.

Have a good All Smokers Day Papa.

Thank you honey and wish you the same.