MNC Launches Another Product We Dont Care About

Sunday, 29 June 2008 16:57

Written by essbee, onion uttapam news

Ashok Tanker, author of novels - Byculla Bum, Ramayana Rocks and Mahabharata in the Bedroom & Boardroom, part-time business correspondent with Business Standard, attended a promotional launch of yet another new product by yet another multinational company and came back highly unimpressed. Here is the report of the event which couldn't be published in the pink paper for obvious reasons.

Mumbai: Prankster & Gambler (P&G) Company, today announced the launch of a new detergent powder named 'Chamko' - a detergent powder just like any other detergent powder in a market saturated with more detergent powders than you care to know or remember.

"The formula of the powder is so potent that just the tiniest pinch of the powder is enough to wash a bucketful of clothes. You will need more clothes in your wardrobe to utilize the full potency of a pinch of our new powder" claimed the Managing Director of the company while announcing the launch of the product that nobody really gives a shit about but forced to take cognizance of due to the spending power of transnational corporations who know the art of making you mindful of every junk product they manufacture to fatten their cash reserves.

Except for the multinational company, of course, which spent two years researching on the needs and habits of Indian consumers and spent an estimated 20 million American dollars to perfect the detergent to meet non-existent consumer requirements and will be spending over 100 crore of Indian rupees in advertising and marketing the product to convince Indian consumers why they need 'Chamko' to give their wardrobe a cleaner and a fresher look.

Why should we buy Chamko and not Chamatkar or Nirma of Surf Excel Extra Plus, O mighty Multinational, provider of our daily detergent?

Because the researchers at the labs of P&G have created the powder taking into consideration the conditions in India where water is hard and scarce. Hard water makes washing clothes more difficult needing twice as much water which being not easily available makes the life of poor Indian housewife or washerwoman difficult and hellish.

To make life easier for the long, suffering Indian housewife, Chamko provides an excellent solution  - a combination of dark-brown granules in a light-yellow powder, it works on a dirty fabric and on your gullible mind in two ways - a. in a very complicated way you probably wouldn't understand but the complexity of the process and the highfalutin technical jargon that will be used to describe the process will impress you enough to believe their exaggerated claims. b. the promotional campaign that will be launched will bombard your mind with sights and sounds of the product to such an extent that you will feel compelled to ask for 'Chamko' at your neighborhood grocery store, whenever you run out of your regular detergent powder.

The managing director of P&G further stated: "Our new detergent powder has been made specially for the benefit of average Indian middle-class housewife, in the age-group twenty-five to thirty-five years, having a family income of Rs.8000 to Rs.15,000 per month, and living in a household of typically six members"

The housewife in question - target of intensive research of multinational companies, living in some rat-infested colony in a city or a mud house in a rusty village, slaving all her day in her kitchen, washing the family's laundry, bringing up the children, caring for her aged in-laws, coping with an uneducated, arrogant, often brutally aggressive husband - supports companies like P&G, pays salaries of thousands of its employees, funds multinational dollar research into the comparative efficacy of detergents, makes possible those unlimited entertainment allowances of paunchy management executives and fuels stock market booms which makes millionaires out of paupers.

"In my woeful existence full of worries and troubles, anxieties about the future and unsolvable problems, it sure is heartening to know that there is an army of professionals - thousands of scientists, researchers, company heads, management executives, sales and marketing professionals - out there who are working day and night to make my pinch of detergent powder wash more clothes. I am looking forward to one rupee discounts which I'm sure the company would offer in the future to help me not overshoot my monthly budget and ensure my dedicated loyalty to the brand." said an excited housewife, when briefed by this reporter about the miraculous qualities of the newly launched detergent.

Comments (0)

Name

Email

Website

Comment

smaller | bigger

Add Comment